The girl who looked different
A couple weeks ago we went to Marker Miller Farm with a playgroup. There happened to be another playgroup or preschool there too, so it was busier than usual.
My daughter, Mikah is definitely headed towards the type A, Extroverted personality type when it comes to meeting new people. She's observant and verbal about the world around her, loudly asking questions about things that are out of the norm. This definitely makes for some awkward times for me, but I wouldn't have it any other way!
So back to the farm; the group that was there before us was fairly large, but I noticed her at almost exactly the same time my daughter did: a little girl playing by herself on the swings. Either her eye was extremely swollen shut, or she had endured some type of disorder or accident that rendered her with only one visible eye. Whatever the case, I watched as the other kids noticed her, then took their play somewhere else. I was a little nervous to see how my little fireball who always speaks her mind would react. I watched my daughter linger near her, just looking curiously at her for a minute or two, then she ran in the other direction to play.
I thought about the little girl all day. I wondered if she knew she looked different--she appeared to be in the 3/4 year old range. I wondered if she was used to playing by herself, and not hearing 'let's play!' I don't know. I kind of hoped she was still at the blissfully unaware stage.
I could have predicted other kids reactions because I've seen them before with my own son. Being on the Autism Spectrum, he doesn't really know how to make friends. He doesn't know what to say and his responses to other kid's advances are awkward to a point where usually they just walk away.
I've wondered the same thing with Zech, and I know we are getting to the very end of the 'blissfully unaware' years at age almost 6. I know in my heart that I can only teach him so much, that he may very well never be what the world expects from an interaction. I find I'm relying more and more on other parents to raise kind, patient kids that will take the time to get to know him--fun, sweet, awesome him, before judging him.
The night after we visited Marker Miller Farm, I lay in my daughter's toddler bed and we talked about the day. Hesitantly (because toddler memory is incredibly selective) I asked her "do you remember going to the farm today?"
"YES!" She replied, with excitement, as she started listing off all the friends she saw that afternoon, how she picked apples and ate a donut.
"Do you remember we saw a little girl there with only one eye?" I interrupted.
She shifted her gaze and quietly said "yes, mommy. She had one eye"
"Did you play with her?" I asked
"No mommy...where is her eye?" She asked, concerned.
I went on to remind her that everyone is different, some people look a little different, and some people look very different... but everybody wants to have friends. We talked about what she can say next time, if she saw the little girl again, things like "Hi! Want to play?" Or "do you like Anna and Elsa?" (Which my daughter very quickly decided she must).
As I tucked her in, I wondered if she'd remember this conversation, and I wondered how many more similar conversations we'd have in the future. A lot I hope.
Most of all I hope that parents are having the same conversations with their kids at the dinner table or at bedtime about 'The boy who wasn't talking' and 'wouldn't say hi' or the kid who was 'flapping his hands and squealing' at the playground. Because that was my little guy. And he wants friends too.
